Do I know you???

Ever have one of those dreams that cause you, upon waking, to go "WHAT THE FUCK???"

I do. A lot of them. Last night, though, was a bit stranger than usual.

Now, I say that with the assumption that you realize most of my dreams involve zombies, headless corpses (is it REALLY corpsi in the plural?? Can't be...right?), gallons of blood, creaky doors in dark Victorian houses, and so forth. My dream last night didn't have all of that. That's what made it so strange.

In the dream I am with a group of people, some I know in real life, and some I do not, and included in the group is a man that I want. I burn for him, and he for me. I know his face, his mannerisms, his voice, his smell. This isn't a SEX DREAM. There is sex in it, but that's not the point. The gist of the story is that he is the (brother, best friend, whatever) of the man to whom I am attached (in the dream, not for real). The man to whom I am attached is sullen and angry and overall quite unpleasant. I'm not impressed. But the man for whom I burn is...just what I want. Quiet, capable, intense. A crisis happens. Not sure what it was. In the dark, the man for whom I burn and I slip off to a quiet spot and...just imagine, if you will, wanting a person who is so close to you but so impossible to have, for months, maybe years, and then in an unexpected moment, having the wished-for situation become real.

Here's what I am trying to get at here...

I KNEW this man. I knew him and everything about him. But in real life, this man does not exist. Does he? Is he someone I passed on the street, bumped into on a subway, glimpsed through a cafe window? I don't know. I am not sure how my mind in repose could develop so fully a character such as this. I'm awake, and I can still hear his voice, recall the feel of his hair, the smell of his skin. I know his sense of humor, the way he likes his...er...coffee.

And why? Surely some of you are thinking I am compensating for an unhappy situation in my own personal life and I can assure you that is not the case. I am confused at the seeming randomness of this dream.

I worry about this man that I know but may not exist. Is there another plane of existence somewhere past the dreaming mind that is populated by these people who otherwise exist only in the dreams of the sleeping? Does he remember me? Did he dream about me, or was it all real to him? Am I (the dream me) still there with him now, or did I disappear when I awoke? Is he the ghost of a dead man? An imprint of a man from another time and place, somehow passing through my unconscious mind in the night? Why MY dream?

Where is he now?

And yeah, the sex was pretty dang good. Holy Crow.

*snort*

Breakfast

Yesterday morning I walked my dog in the woods. As I walked, I filled two coffee mugs with salmon berries from the bushes along the trail. Big, juicy, dark red salmonberries, perfect and ready to eat. Dexter tried a couple, but spit them out. Funny texture. He likes them just fine pureed.

Salmonberries, for those who are unfamiliar, are similar to a raspberry, and they are the ubiquitous shrubbery here in my part of the world. The flowers are tiny and dark pink in the spring (our spring, not the rest of the world's spring), and then come the berries, as per usual with plants.

Anyhow, back to my story. So we finished our walk, and we had 2 mugs of berries. We brought them home and plopped them right on top of our cereal (not the dog...he had something else for breakfast...I meant my husband and I), and there it was.

How often in life do you get to pick your breakfast on your morning walk??

On days like this, I rejoice in the wilderness that is my home, and I am so grateful to live here for a time. I have no keys to my house, no doors are locked, there are no traffic lights, and outside my door are acres upon acres of woodland for my dog and I to explore.

Lucky, lucky me.

Wisdom of the Elder Gods...

Heh. I have discovered this comic that clearly defines my attitude. This one in particular rang my bell.


http://www.hello-cthulhu.com/?date=2003-12-07

Maybe I AM Cthulhu....

WLG+

3 AM on July 24th

My father died. He was a better man than most of you will ever have the honor of meeting. I miss him every second of every day and I hate living without him. He was my hero, my mentor, my champion. I was never afraid or alone because I knew I could always count on him. He inspired and encouraged me. We made each other laugh. And sometimes cry. He was wise and kind and funny and adventurous and brave and so very full of love. It is a cold and empty world without him in it.

Last year, this year, and every year to follow I remember him at 3 am on July 24th with a glass of his favorite single malt scotch. Feel free to join us. He'd have liked that.